Listen UP

kitten.jpg

Written By: ScrewU 

Well, aren’t we just a bumpin and a grindin with all the newbies in the house?  As I was reading through the posts, I realized how badly I needed to clarify what the Bitchfest is about.  I know that it might be confusing, so I’m gonna lay it out for y’all real simple like. 

Duh is the owner of this blog.  She is the originator and creator of this blog (although, not it’s title.  Shout out to mkrules- who knew she could be so funny?).  Duh is NOT Tracy.  She is NOT power crazed.  So you don’t need to kiss her ass.  In fact, she may leave for 2 months and leave you wondering if she is dead.  Don’t be surprised by this if it happens and don’t whine like sniveling idiots that you miss her.

My name is ScrewU.  You will see me post things on here.  If I write something, I put Written By: ScrewU on the top.  That way you know.  You can then thank me for the post and not Duh.  You can kiss my ass if you like.  I am not opposed to that.

Dizzy is also a contributor of the blog although you won’t see her post topics that often because she is lazy.   BUT if by some freak of nature she does post, you will notice her name next to the title.  That’s how she rolls.  You will have to ask her personally if she wants ass kissing or not.  I’ve never spoken with her about it.

My Bologna Has A First Name is our other contributor.  Bologna, while being sweet most of the time, is not the brightest bulb in the box.  If she needs more explaining than most, then help her along.  She’s not going to get any smarter if we don’t.  You won’t ever need to kiss her ass because she won’t ever post anything good enough for it.  But if you would like to, you can be nice to her.

Alright… so those are the players.  Now let’s hear the rules.  First and foremost, this blog is about having fun!!!!  We are sarcastic and mean bitches.  This is NOT Pink Truth.  We don’t worry about being a safe haven.  We are a funny haven.  We make fun…. of EVERYTHING.  Some of you may be gasping right now because you have been so brainwashed over there on PT.  But here, you have freedom.  You can say what you want to whoever you want about whatever you want.  If you want to brawl down and cuss, have at it.   You can post under a million names if you want.   We don’t care. 

The ONLY thing you can NOT do is ‘out’ people here.  That is never cool under any circumstance and we will have to shred you with words if you do that.  Otherwise, go nuts!  And try not to be so serious ladies…

Hopefully, you get it.  If not, bother Duh

69 Comments »

  1. Dizzy from the Dastardly ways of Tracy said

    LOL ScrewU. Brilliant post. Absofuckinglutely brilliant. But you got one thing wrong. I am not lazy. I just don’t have anything good to say. And I am busy. Unlikes SOME of your hussies up in this mutha, I have a full time 9 to 5er or so job outside my home. I do not have the luxury to post shit like some of you.

    hehehe.

    Did that sound serious? HAHAHAHA

    Ok, really….I am sorta lazy. It’s because I used to have my own blog and frankly I got tired of writing shit. So I deleted it. So now, every once in a while when I get a bug up my ass, I write something. Besides, it’s more special that way, because you only get a small taste of my wonderfulness every once in a while. See how that works? Besides, why should I write when ScrewU will write enough for the both of us? DUH!

    BITCHES!

  2. followourflip said

    Dizzy, you are like coke (not the tasty drink). If I get some, I am happy. If I get more, I am happier. If I get too much, I rant like a mad woman and run down the street naked, but look good, because I am thinner…..wait….that has nothing to do with you…..ok, bad anology.

    You are funny. Thats the point.

    Oh, and you are funny too ScrewU. You are like coke….

  3. snapya-fingers said

    OK-I figured it out on “read the new post”. Thanks ScrewU! You tell it like it is! Where is My Bologna Has a First Name anyway? Haven’t seen her tonight.

  4. My Bologna Has A First Name said

    I’m here! There was just so many comments to read. Wow. Hi to all the new people. Welcome to our BFB

    I like the kitty picture above. It’s really cute. Even if he is holding a rifle. Kitties are so furry and fun

  5. Dizzy from the Dastardly ways of Tracy said

    Followourflip ~ I’m going to call you FOF from now on. Can you dig it? Thanks for the props yo. I’m glad SOMEONE on this blog likes me.

    “She LIKES me! She really LIKES me”

    $100 dollars to the person who knows where that quote is from.

    HUSSIES!

  6. maggie said

    Ok, Dizzy, I’ll take a shot. Is it “Rudolph, the Red Nosed Reindeer”?

  7. Duh said

    Actually it’s “You like me. You really like me.” Sally Fields said it when she accepted her Oscar for Norma Rae.

    My favorite is Smoky and the Bandit though. Damn, that’s a good movie. Burt Reynolds is the Miggety Mack Daddy!

  8. Duh said

    Oh shit. She said it when she won for Places in the Heart. My bad, yo.

  9. Dizzy from the Dastardly ways of Tracy said

    Ok, I was lying about the hundred bucks. But you get kudos for remembering the quote DUH. And yes, I knew the correct word was “YOU” really like me, but that wouldn’t have applied to my previous comment, now would it you ho? 😉

    BITCHES!

  10. Duped said

    You all rock my casbah. I generally hang around and speak to dead people (like Johnny Cochrane) and blast Linkin Park whilst my daughter is asleep. Cha-ching! Anyway, I think the ladies here fucking rock ass and I am sooo better off being here. I have like minded crazies to hang out with.

    Now, back to arranging my fantasy football line up (I actually ran it on auto-pilot during the draft and, bite my ass, I actually got a half decent fucking team…as long as they stay injury free). Boo-yah.

  11. ScrewU said

    Duped
    You truly are an enigma. Glad you found us and can enjoy in the same crazy humor that we do.
    And just so people don’t get the wrong impression and think I have gone soft for saying something nice, I will say something mean. Go eff yourself.
    BTW… I did it all for the nookie

  12. Dizzy from the Dastardly ways of Tracy said

    I think I have fallen in love with Duped. She just might like the word fuck almost as much as me!

    Roll that up and smoke it you bitches. That’s some crazy shit yo.

    BITCHES!

  13. Duped said

    *groan* Oh, come on….don’t mention smoking!!! Fuck me. Here I am raging out due to a fucking nicotine withdrawal and what do I read? “Roll that up and smoke it”. 😛

    What I wouldn’t give (or beat up) for a smoke right now…

    I personally get off on people telling me to go eff myself. 🙂 And I lurves you too, Dizzy. 🙂

  14. MK4ME (Black Sheep) said

    Hey all, wanted to say this for a long time but now with so many new PTer’s coming on board.. I do enjoy it here, some of you are so funny, you could give the Blue Collar Comedy Group a run for their money…. seriously you could take your show on the road and probably make lots of $$$. And we could all say we knew you when! 🙂

    Anyway, from my name – you know where I stand but, I have read many of the stories on PT and I have wanted to share that I was horrified, shocked, mortified, and embarrassed. (I believe you) but some of the stuff was near unbelievable. I read and read and I know it isn’t worth the paper and pen it is written on (get it), but, I am SO SORRY, truly sorry for what many of you experienced.

    I read stuff that sound like common practices in your area that I can’t believe people even would think to do. Call me naive but wow, ((Fake people – activating someone who didn’t know, etc..) -how anyone thinks it won’t catch up to them sooner or later is beyond me. I will continue to stand up against anything I see being done wrong and I have watched the Company take action when these things are reported and documented in writing so but it is up to us to police ourselves and I will continue to stand up against anything I see that is unethical Ok enough serious stuff, but I felt I had to say it, I am sorry for what you experience. I am not a rookie director, I have been around for 13 years, love it and maybe because of my beliefs will never be a $1,000,000 director but I don’t give a sh*t about that. I don’t have to answer to anyone but my maker and myself.

    Now…. Do you know why when geese fly in a v formation there are more geese on one side then the other? ……

    Aerodynamics????

    winddrag???

    Nope, there are more geese on that side. lol

    This is just plain ole b.s. (nope not b*ll Sh*t) but Black Sheep:)

  15. Dizzy from the Dastardly ways of Tracy said

    Thank you MK4ME for sayin that. I”m sure all the bitches up in this mutha will appreciate you acknowledging that some crazy shit happened to some peeps in MK. Good lookin out!

    F U you effing effers.

    I think that’s from a movie, venture a guess anyone?

    Oh, and Duped, I will not talk about smoking again, except for just now and the other comment I just made on the other thread. LURVE to you. 😉

    BITCHES!

  16. Oh shit, I lust lost my last post while I was in the middle of it.

    Anyway:

    1. The Sally Fiel;d uote was “You like me, you really like me *right now*” and was intended as a commentary on te fickleness of Hollywood, since until then they didn’t uch like her Gidget-ass. How’s that for trivia, bitches?

    And as for “Eff you, you effing effers”, it’s the typical example of how versatile the word it. In that sentence, it’s used as a verb, an adjective and a noun.

    And *that’s* why I have a blog.

  17. Oh shit – three typos – no wonder I’m going on vacation!

  18. snapya-fingers said

    You guys are hilarious. I love it here. I also love Lynkin Park!

  19. Dizzy from the Dastardly ways of Tracy said

    Princess….Great explanation. I don’t remember where the eff you effing effers came from, but I thought it was funny.

    I dig Linkin Park too. And Hinder, and Papa Roach, and so many others I could just go on and on.

    BITCHES!

  20. Oh! If we’re on the topic of music I like some Linkin Park, but I’m more into Pixies, Flaming Lips, and Belly. 🙂

  21. ScrewU said

    Love Belly! I saw them in concert! Tonya Donnely is a cute little pixie
    Ok, that was as excited as I get. Phew…. I’m spent

  22. Dizzy from the Dastardly ways of Tracy said

    What the hell is Belly, Pixies and Flaming Lips? Don’t even ask me what came to my mind when I read Flaming Lips.

    BITCHES!

  23. I’ll admit it – when I read Flaming Lips, the first thing I thought was “yeast infection”. There. I said it.

  24. I haven’t heard those band names in a long time. Love the Pixies, the Flaming Lips (they’ve been around forever…) and Belly…I still have that cd round here I should dig it out…

  25. Dizzy from the Dastardly ways of Tracy said

    princess…OMG that’s funny. I wouldn’t say specifically a yeast infection, but it did make me think of virginia’s lips LOLOL

    BITCHES!

  26. Dizzy from the Dastardly ways of Tracy said

    Shit, I keep forgetting to call you P-dam

  27. FollowOurFlip said

    Dizzy, I dig, make it FFOF (Formally FollowOurFlip since I am deleting the blog). We will let new people guess what the FFOF stands for, it will be a fun game.

    Flaming Lips? Is that a porn for fire fighters??

  28. Dizzy from the Dastardly ways of Tracy said

    FFOF ~ It’s cornfusing, but funny. I”m sure indviduals such as myself will assume at least one of the “F”s means fuck. I can dig it.

    I think we should not talk about the flaming lips. Makes my vajayjay hurt.

    BITCHES!

  29. FollowOurFlip said

    Fuck Faking Our Fantasticness

    You have a va-jay-jay? I have a who-ha.

  30. Dizzy from the Dastardly ways of Tracy said

    LOL that’s funny

    I don’t care who you are, that’s funny right thar.

    BITCHES!

  31. My Bologna Has A First Name said

    What is a va jay jay? Is that like a blue jay?

  32. FollowOurFlip said

    If a blue jay had a vagina I guess…

  33. Dizzy from the Dastardly ways of Tracy said

    Dumbass. A vajayjay is another word for a vagina. stupid.

    BITCHES!

  34. My Bologna Has A First Name said

    Oh my goodness! Thats just horrible! Who walks around naming their vaginas?

  35. Duh said

    I named mine.

    Vernon. Vernon Vagina at your service.

  36. Dizzy from the Dastardly ways of Tracy said

    Vernon? That sounds creepy for reals yo.

    BITCHES!

  37. Dizzy from the Dastardly ways of Tracy said

    DUH, i’ve been meaning to tell you this for a long time now. Everytime I see your Avatar, I laugh. It’s really a funny picture in a devil-obsessed look kinda way. Doesn’t Brit look posessed? It’s kinda creepy, but funny at the same time.

    BITCHES!

  38. Duh said

    I love me some Brit-Brit. I’m so proud that she’s from LA. She’s so CLASSY. It makes all us coonasses look good in comparison.

  39. Duped said

    My vagina has a name, and it wants to tell me, but it can’t part the beef curtains enough to get it out. *shrug* For now, I shall dub thee Rabid Beaver Forest.

    And yes, Flaming Lips reminds me of a yeast infection. However, I am adventurous when it comes to music, so I shall look them up. Now, back to NWA and Korn. 😛

  40. 🙂 kudos ScrewU – this one was funny
    Lots of new posters since Saturday, wow

  41. Right now, I just call my vagina neglected. But she used to be my ba-china.

  42. Duh said

    Aw, Princess. Does your Vernon look like a 70’s porn movie? Does your bush start at your belly button?

  43. No, the bush is good (well, gone. TMI?), because I’m ever hopeful. Neglected because we had a toddler in our bed for the last, oh, forever I think. Until last week. When I started my pyramid. Yeah, we’re full of euphemisms over here.

  44. MK4ME said

    Well I got Mz. Kitty but dh has Mr. Sparky! 🙂

  45. Duh said

    Yes Princess. I believe that was a keeper-to-yourselfer. But thanks.

  46. FollowOurFlip said

    Quote time, Name that Show! Hers is “Rebecca” and His is “Scooner”

    PE- I very rarely laugh out loud at the computer, but big props to you and the “pyramid” and in the spirit of TMI my pyramid is here this week. Fuck pyramids.

  47. FollowOurFlip said

    Duh- Is Vernon really “at your service” because if so, it can take over my pyramid. (Oh, side note, reading posts quickly will cause you to mistake “Vernon” for “Vermon” and wonder why someone named their who-ha for a rodent….)

  48. starting new (old) JOB today…..had to stop in and get my laughs!

    love the pyramid….may have to borrow that one – ha ha

    I agree with FOF too, reading too quickly can cause excess laughter.

  49. I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s where they were going with the band name. They’re a little weird. I’ve seen them live a couple times. The show features “dancers” dressed in plush animal suits. 😀

  50. Dizzy from the Dastardly ways of Tracy said

    Inevitably (sp?) we end up talkin about vajayjays and one eyed monsters. Go figure. Everything that you all wrote after I left last night made me laugh out loud and I’m at WORK you bitches! People think I’m nuts. Really nuts.

    Good times!

    BITCHES!

  51. Thanks for breaking the curse – got some last night. All you have to do is ask…

  52. FollowOurFlip said

    Ask and ye shall recieve. You are welcome.

  53. Dizzy from the Dastardly ways of Tracy said

    That only works if there is someone at home to ask! Tards!

    BITCHES!

  54. I'll have a Cosmo said

    Thanks for the introductions and explanations. One might think you are all insane without them! I read all the blogs and could care less who knows. Now, I am not stupid and use various names on the various blogs. It’s all in good fun, right people?
    Peace.

  55. My Bologna Has A First Name said

    Ok, what is a pyramid? You guys are like code talkers

  56. “…in the spirit of TMI my pyramid is here this week. Fuck pyramids.”

    There you go, My Bologna, does that help???

  57. My Bologna Has A First Name said

    Are you talking about Aunt Flo?

  58. FollowOurFlip said

    Oscar Mayer- I always hated that term, Aunt Flo. I don’t know why…..I guess because of the mental image I get when I think of the word “flow” like a river or something. I am not a fucking river, that is damn nasty.

    Fuck Pyramids…(Thanks PE, DH thinks this is super funny)

  59. Yep Aunt Flo, and yeah, I don’t like that term either. My mother always said her “friend” was here. Now, I don’t know about the rest of you, but my pyramid was only my “friend” when it came and I didn’t want to be preggers! Otherwise, it was no friggin friend of mine. 🙂

  60. Dizzy from the Dastardly ways of Tracy said

    Remember the term “on the rag”? I hated that. Now, as a grown woman, I use the correct term, and that is:

    “I’m on my fucking period, leave me the fuck alone!”

    K?

    BITCHES!

  61. One of Sixteen Vestal Virgins said

    That seems a lil touchy to me. That’s all I’m sayin’ ’bout that.

  62. Dizzy from the Dastardly ways of Tracy said

    LOL. I”m sorry, I have no come back for that. All your posts are cracking me up VIRGIE. Seriously. I”m not being sarcastic right now. You seriously are cracking me up. Good stuff.

    BITCHES!

  63. I'll have a Cosmo said

    My husband always asks if the “red snapper” is here. How gross is that!

  64. Dizzy from the Dastardly ways of Tracy said

    who or what the hell is the red snapper?

  65. I'll have a Cosmo said

    Ya’ll were talking about various ways to describe “that time of the month”
    You finally said you were on “my fucking period”

  66. Dizzy from the Dastardly ways of Tracy said

    OH….LOL ok gotcha. I was gonna say? WTF? hehe

    BITCHES!

    But just as an FYI in case everyone is ASSuming. NO, I am not on my period. I’m just blunt. And no, I don’t smoke blunts. Anymore.

    BITCHES!

  67. I'll have a Cosmo said

    Good for you! Shit kills brain cells.

  68. One of Sixteen Vestal Virgins said

    OK then Dizzy – you must be a piece of work to contend with when you are on the “cloth,” get the visit from your little friend, etc. Hell hath no fury like __(fill in the blank)__. P.S. You have given me the bends, too! (No, not those bends. The scrunched up ones that come from LMA off.)

  69. Dizzy from the Dastardly ways of Tracy said

    Hehehehe. I put up a good front don’t I? I RULE at being sarcastic. It’s what I do best. But I do think DUH and many more of you posting on this mutha are right there too.

    I lurve me some sarcastic bitches!

    HOs!

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